Life After Art School

I really hope that one day I have my own studio space. That really is the dream, since finishing university it is really the one thing that can not be replaced. I know now how important a place which can be solely used for creation is. A place with no distractions apart from all the inspirations you need to explore the arts. 

There is only so much that can be explored in a small box room, at your parents house which is also full of all your other worldly possessions. I am always left worry about ruining something or spilling it and that is not what I need to make art I want to feel free again to make what ever I like and not be too constrained by size or media.  This is one of those things which makes me realise just how brilliant university was.

I do like wanting something I don’t have and I think it is really good for me to want, I think it is good for everyone really it gives you a push and a direction, something to aim towards. I think after I get some kind of studio space my focus will change and I am excited to find out its direction…

Well that is a question I have been asking myself for a phew months now. What do I do now that university is over. I wish there was someone who would tell me what I was meant to do, it would make life a lot easier. But I guess life isnt easy, and that is the beauty of it. I think that is what actually inspires us to make art and just to make something beautiful to escape all this hardness which I am actually trying not to think about.

Since university I think my life and many of my piers lives have started to become much more money focused. The fact that there is no more student loan is quite upsetting, and then there is the fact that one day I actually have to pay back the dept, which I seemed to collect so easily. It does seem to become a major part of all my thoughts and actions since university. 

I was lucky as I did have a job through out my whole four years at university, it gave me a little extra cash some experience and a little self sustainability. Something which I am aware I will need to develop further to survive in this ‘real world’. Since finishing university I have ended up still working in this same place, I love it, I also think I am good at it, but I am still only doing it part time. In one hand it gives me all the time I need to make art and learn new skills such as driving and knitting which I love.. but I really think that in away having this job has stopped me from having to really really push to get a new job a better paid job which would actually give me what I need to move out again. I would love a job in an art related field but I know I need experience. I have applied to so many jobs and they have all came back with a big disheartening NO. I do think that job hunting is one of the most damaging things you can do for your self confidence. I am always so very excited about applying and I try not to feel to unhappy when I do not hear back but when I stop and think about it I do wonder how I will ever get out of the cycle that I have got myself into. 

There is so many things that I want to do and at the moment I think my life seems to be on hold. Although I am happy I want to be able to really start my life. To get a good job, to move out of my mum and dads (I love it here but I need to have my own space) to just start a fresh. 

The start of this new year has been really good and has seemed to give me the new fresh outlook which I needed to really start pushing for this goal. I know I did my degree in art because I love it. I know that deep down I will always be able to do art in some form because it is what I love. Art will always be a massive part of my life  =D

I mean of course we are all different, so I wont assume that you will feel the same as I did at the end but I thought I would take the opportunity to let you know how I felt Maybe then it wont be as much of a shock to you. I mean no one warned me about how I would feel and untill the time I tried not to even think about it. I mean obviously I new that my degree wouldn’t last forever I new from the begining that it would end. It was only three years long but even though I stepped in to my degree unsure what I would do after I was under the impression that some how within the three short years it would all become very clear to me and I would just jump straight in to something (this hasn’t happened). In fact for me, and for most of the poeple on my course we all seemed to finish Uni in the same place … Unsure. The only thing that we all new was that we wanted to make art and in some way make money, these can both be hard. I think Im now going off track, I want to tell you about the feeling…

After our degree show, the finally to everything we had done, I actually didn’t know how to feel. In one had I was proud and I was focused on the moment and what I had achieved and in the other I had to face the fact that it was actually the end. The realisation that I didin’t know what would happen next teamed with happiness and pride I felt a huge loss at having to walk away from university, it felt a bit like walking away from someone you love knowing you wont ever see them again. It is hard now to even put the emotions in to words. I am still not sure I have fully come to terms with the fact that my Fine Art Degree is now over, even as summer went buy I kept myself busy so I didn’t actually have to think about it so I didn’t need to face the feeling